Tuesday, November 22, 2016

A Pizzagate Movie Idea: "Grabbed"

In a world... where a simple birthday party with pizza leads to horror.
In a world... where authorities have no urgency.
In a world... where elites are above the law.
In a world... where a kid can be...

Setting: Las Vegas suburbs. Dad, Mom and male child 7-10 years old. Saturday. Mom and Dad are early 40s. Definitely middle aged. This is not a 'young couple romcom duo'. This is like Aaron Eckhart and Bridget Moynihan casting. People who look old enough to have a kid and have a home and are an aspirational couple. A Dad who looks like he can handle his business and a Mom that looks like the total package that would have a good kid.

Opening scene has Dad playing catch with son who is learning to pitch. A Saturday morning thing to show parental involvement and investment, which is what baseball/hockey/white sport/gymnastics signal. It could even be Dad letting son tackle him and remarking how it hurts because now son finally tackles hard. Dad can be sarcasticy Gen-Xer type, so the audience might think "why is he being sarcastic with his kid". Maybe the kid gets hit by the ball because he stinks and is learning. Mom and Dad have to ice his arm or shoulder, but hurry up, there's an activity to go to. Mom takes son to birthday party at some indoor playground bounce house.

Scene back at house when Mom returns to have them chat about having only one kid. Wanted more but Dad served in military and they would start family until he was out. He makes a reference to saying goodbye to Blackwater when Aidan was old enough to talk. Aidan or some white lib name has to be used. "Aidan is all we need." Need to intercut scene with the bounce house shots of Aidan with friends and the "pizza delivered" by some oddly painted truck.

Parents go to pick up Aidan. He isn't there. They search the place. They get the mom who set up the party who is typical "know it all bitchy middle aged upper middle class white mom who spends all her time on her phone anyway". She says she will call the cops. Dad starts thinking and asks the indoor playground for their paid photographer's digital camera. Going through the photos, he spots an odd pear shaped elderly lady with the pizza crew. In the "ah-ha moment" pic, the Dad sees her with a hand on Aidan's chin. "Who bitch this is?" Finds out location of pizza place. Dad sends the pic to his phone, tells Mom he is going to find their son and takes off, "No Rick, no wait for the police!"

At his car, Dad gets his gun because ABC = Always Be Carrying. He's going to find the pizza place woman. Dad and Mom text throughout the movie so you can see the shots of a lethargic civil authority contrasted with the urgent, protective and vengeful father. At the pizza place, which is deserted and smells awful, he asks to speak to the manager. Manager is strung out looking guy. Dad pushes on who/where is the pear shaped old lady. Despite protestations, Dad pulls out a gun and says "Her name and address or your brains go on the next pie!" Gets name and home address.

Scene with pear shaped old lady. Dad knocks on door, she answers. He knocks door in and restrains her while asking where Aidan is. She denies knowing anything until he shows her the pic. She says Aidan isn't there. She isn't going to say where he is. Dad forces her to give him her phone and unlock it. He says, "You have sloppy opsec. I don't need you to tell me, your phone will" (yes, you know who this character is a stand-in for, HRC). Texts are to odd, vaguely foreign name Humina Abinga. The text at the time just after she would've left the indoor playground party says "I got fresh pizza for your client". The old pear shaped hag threatens him and says he won't get away with anything. They have money and men to take care of him.

"You can't just grab kids!"
"Didn't Trump say grab them by-"
"These are innocent kids you sick fuck!"
>pow pow, two shots to head<

Dad gets in car and does some internet sleuthing using the old hags iphone. It hits him that this is a kidnapping but not for ransom. He cruises her social media accounts because her opsec is so horrible that he can find the humina abinga person (cast a mystery meat actress) via their friendship status on facebook. Pictures of them with kids everywhere. Dad's rage levels jump.

Dad texts Mom and they go back and forth. He explains that Aidan isn't missing, he was grabbed. This allows for a scene where a local cop does the standard cop routine, and in honor of Hitchcock, we'll make this cop a by-the-rules dope. Mom has to explain that Dad is a vet and worked for private military contractors. He's gonna be operating but this time for family. This will lead to an exchange where someone says the film's title...

Cop: "Why would your husband take off on his own?"
Mom: "Time."
Cop: "Maybe he didn't know that lost kids are found within 48 hours."
Mom: "Not if they're... not if they're GRABBED."

Scene with Abinga and her weasely white ethnic husband (guess who that is, yeah Huma+Weiner). Dad knocks on door. Woman answers. Dad charges in beating her as he yells where is my son. Weasel husband comes down the stairs shirtless and in his underwear and dress socks (pulled up to his knees). Dad threatens to kill Abinga unless she talks. Points gun at weasel husband and asks if he knows anything.

"Oh jeez, I'll tell you anything you wanna know just don't kill me," said in a Woody Allen voice.

Weasel then tells Dad about what his wife does. They don't work. They are middlemen who work with the spotter/recruiter (pear shape) to find kids for rich men and women. "I only married her for cover. It beats having to work. We're on the payroll. The pizza chain is cover, hell they launder their mob money." Dad looks on in horror. Asks about timing and where his son is. Abinga curses Weasel and says, "Tell him nothing." Weasel explains the location the kid is at for a transfer. Dad asks how he'd signal to the pizza manager that he is in the know and the code is "I'm picking up ingredients for spirit cooking". They'll give him the delivery address. Abinga is spitting at Weasel. Dad looks at her. Pow-pow two bullets to the head.

Dad closes in on Weasel husband.
"But I told you everything. We had a deal!"
"That was before you revealed how depraved you are."
"I don't touch the kids. I just like texting them. I jerk it to texts. Not the kids, the teen girls. You can't kill me!"
"That's where you're wrong."

This is the "turning point kill". It'll have been 40-50 minutes into the film. When Dad gets back to the car, you see him go to the trunk. He's got clips and a couple extra guns there. This leads to the next 40 minutes of action.

Dad races in his SUV to the pizza location. It's in a dumpy strip mall. It's empty for a Saturday night. He's packing his guns under a light jacket. Guys working the counter have strung out, druggie look. He asks to speak to shift manager. It's some doughy Jonah Hill looking schlub. "I'm picking up ingredients for spirit cooking." The manager says they just picked up the ingredients. Looks at the workers, gives a sign. >Fight in the pizza place as schlub makes a run for it<. Dad kills workers there and chases after manager who goes to the basement via a door marked "Utilities". Dad doesn't realize its a staircase down and falls down it.

In dark basement, schlub attacks Dad. Fight in the dark. This leads to beatdown of schlub. With schlub securely down, Dad pulls out LED keychain light. They argue back and forth about the pick-up. Where was it going? Schlub tells him to hit the lights. With lights on, Dad sees door to what should be a freezer. "You keep kids cold?" No, it's not, and schlub opens door. Just a dank metal box without lights. Dad gets it out of him in exchange for not killing him. Schlub warns him there will be a dozen or more men at the mansion (getting dark now). After he has what he needs, Dad realizes time is important. Dad in doorway of dank box.

"How many people know about this room?"
"Oh just me. I'm the franchise owner. This is secret."
"Good, then no one will bother to look for you."
"But you said you wouldn't kill me!"
>Shoot guy in both legs crippling him.
"You'll bleed to death."
>Locks schlub in the dank box. Can hear the schlub pounding on the door from the inside, screaming for help.

Dad texts Mom to say he knows where son is. Mom says she can send cops. Dad denies this and says, "Tell them nothing. They're still at the indoor playground for Christ sake!" On drive to mansion, Dad has to see pizza delivery cars at intersections or stop signs and get weirded out. Throw in a flashback scene of Dad with son when he was smaller. Dad holds back tears and steels his will.

It's twilight when he gets near the mansion. Guard box. Does he ram it or go ninja? Ninja-style. Kills dude in guard box and disarms alarm. Scans over the security screens. Notices fat guy lounging in a lavish room. Room next to that room has no camera shot. Sees what he is up against (this is for the viewer so they can map it out in their mind what's coming). Puts on security guards jacket and hat. Infiltrates.

Before the action sequence, there has to be a scene where the "chief pedo" is in a room with the son. He has disturbing art on the walls and headless mannequins with paint on them in the room. You don't see him but you see the kid. A hand grabs a slice of pizza and says, "Have some p-p-pizza. I a-a-always share pizza with my friends". Now this guy has to deliver the lines like the narrator in "Little Princess" (listen from :55-1:13) who has a creepy pedo voice (narrator is confirmed gay).

Sequence of Dad icing henchmen. Shooting, throatpunching and stomping and even some stabbing with kitchen knives. The Fat Guy (yes, fat tony podesta stand-in) gets up in the commotion. He is shirtless and wearing a silk robe with disgusting gut and a chain on. I want every cliché in this film. Have Mom text Dad while he's icing henchmen and upset he isn't answering. Nice comedic effect. After he kills say 12, have him answer her like "JFC I'm killing pedos right now!" Cut to shot of her as cops are still taking down notes, doing paperwork and bitchy mom is asking if she can leave since it is her kid's birthday.

Dad works his way to the room with Fat Guy, noticing that as he goes deeper into the home and further from the front, public rooms that the artwork gets more bizarre. He finds Fat Guy holding a firepoker.

Fat Guy: "Look, I don't want trouble, how much do you want?"
Dad: "Where's my son!"
Fat Guy shifts eyes to room next door: "He's my brother. I don't touch the boys, only the girls."
Dad motions to shoot him: "You sick fu-"
Fat Guy: "Do you know who my brother is?!?!? He'll send 20 men!"
Dad: "I've killed 18... >pow-pow<. That makes 19."

Dad barges in on room next door. Son has pants on but his shirt is off. Shirtless skinny old pedo (yes, let's mock john podesta with a stand-in) is on bed with pizza box open. Son runs to his dad's side with his shirt. There is the standard "are you all right" exchange of words, hugs and hair tussling. Dad is almost in tears. Aidan puts on his shirt. Pedo-sta breaks the silence. If the actor who said "ass to ass" in Requiem for a Dream is still alive, I'd cast him in this role.

"What are you going to do about this? I've done nothing but share some pizza."

Dad gets a good look at Pedo-sta and the Vertigo-dolly zoom shot happens. The voice and face combination hits him. Dad flashes back to a Blackwater gig as a security escort in Iraq or Afghanistan and it was Pedo-sta that he was taking care of one time. Dad knows the guy is connected.

Pedo-sta: "I've done nothing. People dropped your son off here. We just talked. Isn't that right Aidan?"
Dad: "You're a sick pedophile."
Pedo-sta: "That's a hate word. There is no malicious intent here. Think of me as a... virtuous pedophile."
>Dad curls Aidan inward to shield Aidan's eyes.
Dad: "Not in Trump's America."
Dad: "Let's go home. What do you want Aidan?"
Aidan: "Ice cream. I never got ice cream at the party."

Next scene is Mom still at the indoor playground as police start their search. She gets a text. "Aidan's home". She calls him and is franticly asking how is he. "Eating ice cream," Dad responds and she let's out an exasperated "c'mon" to which we then see a shot of Aidan and Dad eating ice cream with the phone on the counter in speaker mode. Dad has to be sweaty, maybe some blood and dirt on his face. He tells her to call off the cops as they have found Aidan and come on home.

Final scene is Mom driving up to house. It's dark. She gets inside and the boys aren't inside. She hears something out back. She gets to their door to the patio and sees Dad pushing Aidan on the swing to go extra high and Aidan is saying, "Can I leap off at the top, can I, can I," we get smiles and end credits.

We want cliche action movies. We want good to triumph over evil. People have lost faith in civic institutions and the primacy of blood and family is the rising force for security and safety. There has to be a progression of sarcasticy gen-X or Millenial behavior that transforms into deadly serious parental investment and sentiment. You may say to people you'd die for them. You'd take a bullet for your buddies. Only your kids would make you kill at will. We need to meme a pizzagate revenge flick into existence. Ransom + Taken set in "Trump's America" = Grabbed.

*Easily make this a franchise of guys busting up pedo rings of supposedly untouchable people.


Lucia Drusilla said...

This is great. Anyone know Clint Eastwood?

PA said...

This was as good as watching a movie.

"Little Miss Sunshine" was their normalisation trial balloon.

Anonymous said...


Portlander said...

Sequels stay with same Dad character who rounds up his old uniformed buddies (ie. not the BW merc's) and runs an A-Team going around and helping other parents in similar situations?

I also think definitely bring the Dads onto the team and have them do some killing to show any man is capable of rising to the occasion when duty calls.

Another follow on idea: concurrently film a documentary showing how you got this green lighted past all the pedos in Hollywood.

AureliusMoner said...

I think there should be a further, final scene. After a fade-out from your final scene, we get a "three weeks later" caption. The family is trying to enjoy a picnic in a neighborhood park. They hear a commotion, whistles, drums, dykes screaming into megaphones. A mob of anti-Trump protestors, various dumpy-looking brown people, and an assortment of pierced, tatted, dyed, pale and sallow genderqueers, etc., are ambling through the park hollering about the "extrajudicial killings" of some of their community's most beloved organizers, activists and charitable bigwigs. They don't feel safe, so they've decided to go around provoking people. They are crying that their lives matter, whilst slandering white men, their wives, wishing death on their children - you know, par for the course stuff, these days. Lots of "Love Trumps Hate," "Make Pizza not War" signs, etc.

They stumble upon the family, notice a MAGA hat, Trumpslide shirt, or something. Things get heated; mom picks up the boy, while crowds press closer screaming "Beat they ass! They vote Trump! Beat they ass!" Some dyke screams, "Grab that cis-het white bitch by the pussy!" Some wetback takes a swipe at her, whom the husband pulls down brutally, stepping on his throat while producing his CC suddenly. The crowd yelps a little in surprise, draws back, breathless, torn between wanting to excoriate the white man whose foot is on a precious darkie's throat, and the natural fear of what he may do next.

The last shot of the film centers on the man; a hurdy-gurdy begins to drone. Over his shoulder, in the background, white men who had been in the park with their families are seen gathering, sidearms drawn. One of them calls out: "We're with you, if you need a hand." The man heaves a resigned sigh, and the screen fades to black while "Ad mortem festinamus" begins to play (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_zK7oOTFTg). A couple seconds into the song, screen still black, a gunshot rings out, followed by cries, sounds of panic, and then many more gunshots. The sounds of gunfire and panic fade out as the singing starts. Lovely scenes of the Danse Macabre, Inquisition, Autos da Fe and the Apocalypse accompany the music and rolling credits.

Portlander said...

Um, wow. OK, takes the sequels in a different direction, but, sure, why not.

Portlander said...

Be sure Tiny Duck Dodgers gets an invite to the test audience screenings.

Steve Parker, M.D. said...

I tried posting a link to this on my Twitter account but ran into technical difficulties and failed. Anybody else experience this?

Son of Brock Landers said...

Steve, Twitter bans links to my blog using .com so switch the address to .ca for it to work

Steve Parker, M.D. said...

Thanks for the tip.
But I may just switch entirely to Gab.