Monday, September 08, 2008

Vote for Me or My VP & I Will Rip Your Head Off!

Vote for me punk or I'll headbutt your ass back to your momma's vag. Threats don't work, you want me to earn your vote? I can't wait for the debates when I can kick the shit out of that effeminate, skinny whiner from Illinois. Yeah, I know I am nearly 25 years older, but who you gonna pick in a brawl? Some manorexic egghead who wrote a book about living confused until he found his roots with his dad's family, therefore rejecting everything about his mom's side that raised him until it was politically convenient, yet still abandoning those African roots as his half brother lives on $1 a day in Kenya, or the guy who wrote a book about his personal and his family's kick ass history of becoming 4 star Admirals, fighter pilots and pro-asskickers? I thought so. I was in Wedding Crashers and you know what else was? Naked boobs. Speaking of boobs, I even picked a running mate that could sniper him from 1000 ft away with her heels on. I bet the recoil would knock captain arugula down. How about that too? Leave it to the GOP to find a MILF for the national ticket. I found a female running mate who has killer legs and looks different enough from my wife that I will know not to sleep with her unlike that lobbysit with the saucy pout.

Hi John! Let's kick the shit out of that "community organizer" and the old blowhard! I wonder if some female voters will forget how socially conservative I am and just vote for me because I am a working mom. Isn't it grand how the media is being completely sexist even though they would never dare do this to a Democrat? I guess only they should try to break glass ceilings. Damn, I could take my AR-15 and cap some NY Times limousine liberals right now.

Oh god, do I want to bend you over when you say things like that. You're getting me excited, and my next hard on could be my last. Maybe we could shoot some target practice and then get down, or in reverse, whatever you like. I've got to focus. I'm not going out like Nelson Rockefeller. I'm going out in a blaze of glory. I'll either flame out in a debate as people will view me as being too tough on the thin skinned Messiah (because foreign leaders won't be tough???) or we'll win, but I'll turn Iran into a glass lake that we'll drill through for oil, and you and the Senate will remove my presidential 'powers' from me because of concern for my senility.... leading to a Mark Warner presidency in 2012.

(Editor's note: I have a lot of respect for Sen. McCain. I supported him in 2000, but I read up on him over the last 8 years, finding out just how conservative the guy is. Not my cup of tea. I dont get why more of the GOP base doesn't see this and get thrilled. He's too conservative for me. Plus, I know all politicians are bought and paid for by special interests whether corporate or lame hippie groups.)

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