Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Odd Coincidence

I can't believe I had not created a 'love' tag yet. Love is one of the greatest gifts humans have. I know some animal people like to say that animals experience love as well, but c'mon, I'll believe it when they throw expensive parties to celebrate their unions with way too many guests and decorations. I have only loved a few women in my life. Fortunately, I am married to one of them, and she loves me in return. What a great coincidence? Concerning the others, in the last week, I received word that one ex from college moved to a small town in New England, and that another is engaged now to some toolbox from our frosh dorm and lives in New England as well. I only had 3 ex girlfriends of any significance from college. Most college relationships were completely frivolous. Usually, I was substituting the physical rewards of those relationships for the lack of emotional rewards from the big ex girlfriends. That sounds pretty lame, but hey, it was the case.

I am a big believer in the idea that we love different people at different times for different reasons as different people. The person you were 5 years ago is not the person you are today. The ex who moved to a small New England town listened to friends who didn't approve of me as the small town Mainer. Look at where she has moved... to a small town in Connecticut. Just stuck me as kind of funny. So how exactly did the rich girl go from rich suburb in Jersey to small town in NE? Is it cosmo enough for you? I harbor no ill will towards her, and if I ran into her at a future reunion, I'd be really nice. I'd be hiding a shit eating grin the entire time, but I'd be nice. I can't stop my wife from punching her in the face. For what? I don't know, but she is a loose cannon.

The engaged ex girlfriend, Spanky, is a funnier and odder story. I fell in love hard and fast. First time love story. Hit me like prize fighter. I manage to muster up the courage to say "I love you" for the first time in my life and in return she says... >crickets< "thanksssssss" >crickets<. Should have run then. We kept it going for another month, but when there is a giant emotional deficit, a relationship is bound to unravel. It was handled poorly by all parties involved. Ultimately, neither of us won the battle for the circle of friends because the guys mostly got kicked out of school, and she turned the rest off when they realized she used them to boost her self esteem by having a few guys who treated her like a queen all of the time in between relationships. We made peace by the end of sophomore year.

She started dating a douchebag that we called "shovelface" because he looked like he had been hit in the face with a shovel. Creative, I know. I found the couple surprising, but I have long since given up trying to understand women. Their relationship went on and he first acted cool with me and asked me to decode some of her zany artist moods and attitudes towards him, and then that stopped. By senior year, he was talking to me again, and I found out the why behind the lull. One, I had bigger things on my mind than keeping up with douchebags and ex-girlfriends. Two, he started to develop a jealousy when Spanky and I talked. Believe me, nothing was happening, but shovelface developed it and then realized it was dumb, so he chilled out. Third, in that stupid Marco Polo male thing with sex, he was weird with how I had behind closed doors time with his lady. This is so stupid, but it was the truth. He admitted to it senior year. This is how nerds get because they rarely have relationships growing up. It's a natural fact of life that nerds don't handle well at first.

This lacks comedy to people who do not know the full story. I apologize. What I always found funny was that when Spanky and I dated, he would point it out when we were together to say "king and queen of the dorm". This fed into her ego and annoyed me, like she was some kind of prize. Please, she was like a 7.5 out of 10 at Cornell; 6.75 in the real world. He and his dorm unit friends did a lot of stupid things and put up odd magazine photos with which they would make short dialogues or plays. One involved a photo with post-coital dialogue starring me and, thankfully, a girl, Heather. I immediately checked with Heather to make sure she laughed at it. Eventually, one of the d-bag guys came down with Guillian Barre (sp?) syndrome, and because it was early April, we all told them to stop playing an April Fool's joke. This pissed off those d-bags, as they didn't appreciate us joking on their concern for their friend who happened to rip on lots of other people. Amazing when karma is put into action. When Spanky broke it off, shovelface maybe went a bit over the top to help me move on, and would poke fun at a physical feature or habit or annoying dialect/phrase. Maybe it was all a scam to get other guys to back off of her to leave her open to his advances months later? He criticzed her often to 'help' me. Now it's 10 years later, and they are getting married. I guess all of those little quirks he pointed out being annoying turned out to be cute after all.

"If love can feel so wonderful with the wrong person, imagine what it will be like when it's the right woman".

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