Monday, February 25, 2008

Even More Frivolous Reasons to Vote For Barack Hussein Obama

The recent media lovefest with Barack Hussein Obama has sickened me. I like Obama, but I know if he were of the GOP, he wouldn't get the fanfare he is now. I like some of his ideas here on his website. I say some because he's pretty far left at times. Then again, so am I. He is less for change than he says he is, and he never really seems to say much of substance. He's like one of those deep college guys who dresses in black and just spouts off nonsensical oneliners to try to impress chicks with how deep he is, "wherever you go, there you are". Wait a second, he's more like a fraudulent preacher like in that underrated Steve Martin movie. Because the media and his own campaign has come up with no real reasons to vote for him over the vastly superior candidate (on paper resume), Senator Clinton, I am going to add my frivolous reasons to vote for Obama.

1. As stated here, he has handed white people the ultimate "get out of jail free" card for the next 20 years. This is worth it to all people who tell jokes based on racial stereotypes from time to time. Read this posts, as it points out a pretty true statement. You can call white people any racist term under the sun and even use it on TV, but by golly, do not call a white person a racist.

2. He looks good on HDTV. Seriously, I think HDTV might alter the careers of newscasters, reporters, actors, and even politicians. I think this might hurt McCain in the debates vs. Obama. No wonder why everyone in Hollywood is going the Botox route. HD is the worst and best thing ever for sports, movies and porn. No Barbara Walters filter can save McCain in HD.

3. Speaking of porn, this gives porn producers with IQs of 30 (90% of them) a reason for shooting interracial scenes with a political theme. Believe me, the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal was a gift to those retards in porn who made tons of movies with men in grey wigs and brunettes in black berets. A black president would be a booster shot to them. Heck, a female president with a big ass would be as well.

4. We should try having a cokehead in office. We've had alkies, pot smokers, and Kennedy and Nixon were both on serious medications (amphetamines and/or antidepressants). Why not a cocaine user? I love how he used drugs to push questions out of his mind. Way to make "escapism" sound deep. Watching all of my friends in college who did cocaine, I never met anyone who did a "little" cocaine.

5. He smokes and is on the nicotine patch right now to quit. Can you imagine a smoker back in the White House? I have friends who semi-annually try to quit and by day 3, they are a mess. If a stressful situation hits them, it is actually scary to witness. I want to have a president who smokes like a chimney and does that grampa thing where they talk and growl as they smoke when you disturb them. "wha...whattayatalkin' 'bout? Bomb Iran... jeesusfuckincriss... gimme a second herrrrrre.. (inhales with that painful, squinty eyed look on his face)... Let's do this".

6. Black comics who have struggled to put together 30 minutes of material for 10 years will no longer go hungry. A decent impersonation might land a black comic a spot on SNL. Before we get a feel for his governing style, horrible jokes that play on stereotypes will be used to get laughs. This just needs to last until his first scandal or big decision. Then, we can make fun of him like every other president.

7. Speaking of SNL, this might cause Tim Meadows to kill himself. Tim Meadows was on SNL for what, 15 years, and maybe was in 3 good skits. One skit was a skit where they dropped the cue cards and Will Ferrell, Chris Parnell and Meadows did a great job of adlibbing. A black president would have given him job security for 8 more years. He just timed his departure from the show a little too early.

8. The USA could rub it in the noses of Europeans that we 'transcended' our racial past and voted a member of a minority the leader of the free world. I use transcended because that is what the media is saying when he wins a state. Like voters meditated and found the meaning of life, which is voting for Obama. Seriously, could you see Germany voting for a Jewish or African candidate... or France voting for a Muslim candidate... or Britain... or Italy?
9. He's got that 'newscaster' voice. Just sounds like a newscaster on the national news broadcasts. If I am going to hear bad news in the next 4 years, I'd at least like it to be from someone with a nice voice who doesn't fumble over his heards because he did too much acid (ahem, Prez Bush).
10. With the Democrats in control of Congress and the White House, we will see if they have the ideas to lead our country, the willpower and vision to shape a comprehensive and intelligent foreign policy, and the ability to govern rather than just be a reactionary party. It is sad to say but for the last 30 years, the GOP has been the party of ideas. Not all of them have been good, but they have had different ideas to tackle the problems facing this nation and world than what the politicians of the '60s and '70s gave us. This will be a true test. I can see the Democrats stepping up to the challenge and then putting in motion a strong Democrat majority for 20 more years, kind of how the Democrats dominated government after World War 2, causing the GOP to drift towards the center until the nation was fed up with New Deal/Great Society programs and the disastrous Jimmy Carter presidency. I can also see the Democrats doing ok on domestic issues but fumbling horribly on foreign policy, and therefore, they will get the car keys taken away from them in the executive branch in 4 years and will not be trusted until the war on terror has reached a different phase.
Just remember: "Yes We Can!"

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