Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Politerotica

Recently, Trump-trolls set their sights on Julia Ioffe. I've mocked her anti-Putin shilling and horrible predictions on Twitter. The trolls went after her for her Melania Trump profile. They sent Happy Merchant imagery, photoshoped images of Ioffe into Holocaust pictures and one where her head was placed on Britney Spears' body with the tag line "gas me baby one more time." Standard fare stuff from the toughest bunch of trolls on the Internet. They do this to everyone. Everyone.

Oddly, she shared it all. She tweeted the images. She went to the cops with Happy Merchant images. She went to other media members. Her plight became a NY Times Oped her coethnics could point to for evil antisemitism, and good Gentiles could tsk-tsk. Whining about anon nobodies in the NY Times is power and privilege. Trump's scary brigades have gone after many, yet most would retweet a tweet or two and fight back. Even Podhoretz fought back viciously and then ran off to eat 5 lbs of pastrami on rye. Did she enjoy the attention... playing the victim? Did she secretly like how riled up the trolls were? Was she herself riled up? It's a month later yet she still tweets images Internet nobodies send her.

Let's have some fun here. Can we take trolling to a narrative form? Can we approach trolling from a new angle? Can we be outlandish? If Amazon can sell dinosaur and human erotica, can't we delve into the realm of "Politerotica".... *Just CTRL+F "Kennedy" to skip the build up

FYI: Ioffe is blue, yours truly in grey.
-------------------

Somewhere in a DC apartment...


Best photo I could find of her and my avatar (close enough)

Julia Ioffe: "What brings you to DC?"

Ryan Landry: "Talking to the Russians about that Siberian homesteading project they started, and you?"

"Taking notes from my War Party paymasters on how to smear Russia and Putin this year."

"As expected. So this is for the next 'hit piece' on neoreaction? Now that you have me alone, what is it you want to know about scary neoreaction?"

"You could wait on the insults. I'm a Princeton trained Russian expert. I guide policy and opinion."

>eye-roll< "Wow, a Russian immigrant took up a spot at one of our Ivies to be a 20th Century Russian history major. That's like me going to Potato U in Moscow to major in 20th Century American History!"

"I've lived and seen what Putin's regime does-"

"Ah yes, hanging out with expats, your friends in tiny opposition movements and fawning over Mike McFaul's every color revolution word. How many of those expat shits even speak Russian beyond ya lyubylu tebya to hookers?"

"You speak Russian? Expat culture is weak but it is important to keep Americans informed."

"Just enough, devushka. As you want them to be informed. Look at your writing. How laughable was 'The End of Putin'. You are simply a person with a Russian background that the media can use to write up the same anti-Putin article they would farm out to Masha Gessen, except in a cuter, more telegenic package. You're the one non-Jewish Russian they have."

"I'm Jewish."

"You don't sound it... or look it. You do that weird thing where when you talk people see your bottom row teeth so you look angry a lot, do you have an underbite..."

"What sounds and looks Jewish?"

"Sally Kohn, Rachel Maddow, Debbie Wassername Schlitz... You know exactly what I mean.  Your upper arm circumference betrays your age, but you're cute."

"Are you saying Jews are ugly? I've heard a you've said 'Jewish chicks... good bodies, bad faces'."

"Did you track down my Cornell friends? The Jewish guys loved that line. Am I wrong? What do Jews say about Gentiles? You probably kick your parents about Anglicizing your name because Yulia would look even more authentic for your essays bashing Putin. It's quite pathetic."

"Is that what you really think of me?"

"Of course! This fits far too many pundits because our media is the regime. Investigative reporting and punditry that even question the current progressive status quo is gone. What do you want to ask me?"

"Trump is just exported Putinism. Look at his advisors. Do you support Trump? Is Trump neoreaction's Manchurian Candidate?"

"No. Of this current grey slime of media approved politicians, he is a better selection. Even if he won, the system would grind to a halt. Our candidate? God no. We don't have a candidate. We shun the fraudulence that is electoral politics."

"But you want power don't you?"

"Well we want to build a system for good governance. Isn't that what everyone truly wants? Safety, civilization, order"

"For an American Putin."

"Back off your Putin obsession, it's for a system that can create a far more secure ruler with properly aligned interests, with authority and accountability."

"That seems rather silly to build a system of statecraft without power."

"Hey Russian expert, the Russians only formally ended Communism because their 3rd world loans went bad, oil tanked AND there was an entire system 'western liberal democracy' for them to switch to. If you're Jewish, how are you this dense?"

"There it is! Your crowd is pretty anti-semitic."

"Everything said that doesn't kiss Jewish ass is antisemitic now. I like how Israel is run so why not allow Americans and Europeans to run their nations as Israel does? A Jew once told me any nationalism will be anti-semitic because Jews are opposed to all of that due to their diaspora status. He also wished for all people to have their own version of Israel."

"He'll be ovened as that crowd puts it."

"Did you read Milo's Altright primer? There probably won't be ovens. One way tickets to Tel Aviv. It's time for all Jews to make aliyah. Can't Israel stop being a weird global exception and allow us whites to have Redneck Zionism?"

"I had to go to the police. Did you see what they sent me?!?!?!"

"I received death threats last year and laughed it off. It's the Internet, everyone threatens to kill everyone else."

"But your crowd is out there and mean. It's a wolf pack, e-Brownshirts or an online SA."

"My crowd? I thought this was about neoreaction not the alt right? Those guys are anonymous fucking twitter accounts that Erick Erickson thought were Clinton campaign workers and then Russian operatives. You fed the trolls. You're supposedly big time and you let anon accounts get to you."

"Dylan Matthews," >shivers at the thought of his face<, "was right... you guys are the edge."

"My politics are very... unconventional."

"So show me."

"Think of everything that keeps people safe in New York but if only stronger with more physical removal, being able to fire a goddamn teacher and if you were allowed to say why you did all of it and not feel ashamed you were saying it. Don't you want to live in Singapore but for white people or the belle epoque but with antibiotics and computers or for crying out loud pre-'68 Maine? We all want to have a king aligned with us."

"Maine is America's Russia, long winters + potatoes... you think that system wouldn't go Nazi?"

"Why would it have to? Watch the Nazi shit. My grandfathers fought the Nazis. One liberated a camp of your coethnics. My great uncles were both wounded by nazis. One had a metal windpipe for 60 years because of them."

"You dress sharp enough. A Kennedy in Nazi uniform... I can see it."

"No no no, I could never be a Nazi."

"Not even for me?" >unbuttons top button<

"Pardon?"

"I was a little Soviet girl. Could you be a Nazi for me... Operation Barbarossa in the sheets."

"Would you... wear a peasant kerchief, one of those hip scarves made of medallions and coins and nothing else? No--- what the hell am I saying??????"

"Yes... the Khazar Succubus Uniform with real Jew Gold. You must hold up your end of the bargain."

"I can't. Nazi BDSM might be more Weev's style. You should check with him-"

"I've looked all over Russia for him. Weev's a ghost."

"This is getting weird. I'm married anyway. You're using... mystical Jewess powers on me."

"Sleeping with married goyim + destroying a marriage is a double mitzvah, triple if on Sabbath. I'll finally earn my seductive Jewess badge. Give in, goy."

"That's incredibly wrong."

"You haven't left. Maybe just a little Holocaust-play?" (ed: click that link, many indulge)

"What is that? Look, that's really fucked up. You're sick and twisted. Have you watched The Night Porter a few times too many?"

Ioffe does '70s Italian Naziploitation 

"Israel had an entire pulp fiction genre of Stalags... Pogrom me."

"What, Jesus... do you want me to heat my class ring on a lightbulb and burn it into your skin?"

"Yesssss. I want a camp experience and not in the Catskills."

"Of course and you'd be in control. I know the sub in BDSM has the power because they say the safe word. They control the limits."

"You play?"

"Christ no. I watched that CSI episode where Grissom flirted with the Dominatrix lady. I can't do this. The most me and the brigades do is alter pop song lyrics into politically incorrect tunes and lift for the Road War. #KeepLiftingKeepPosting"

"Tell me them, what are they?"

"We had some fun turning Taylor Swift's Shake Them Off into Bake Them All, 'I'll just dance a jig jig jig jig jig when I bake them all bake them all'."

"That's a bit sick... and naughty... any more?" >bites lip<

"Well I did alter the lyrics to that sexy Ellie Goulding song from the 50 Shades movie, 'Love Me Like You Do'-"

"Is it Love Me Like A Jew?"

"No, that's actually funny but .. I've never told anyone them. They're too dark."

"Tell me. I want to know." >unbuttons blouse<

"It's bad... even worse than 'Bake Them All', which is upbeat and makes fun of everyone."

"Is it only about the Jews?" >pulls out her Hitachi, charges it<

"Yes, look... it's... I don't think you could handle these memes. They are pretty dank. My crowd lives on the edge. You couldn't handle a few pictures."

"I can handle it. Is it the racist frog? You know what I want." >Moves in too close<

"It's not that difficult."

"Sing it to me." >Runs hands up Landry's back<

"You can't whine to those ugly faggots at Vox or cry to Miriam if this hurts more than a photoshop."

"I want it to hurt. Give me the memes!"

>pushes Ioffe away< "This would break every taboo, every thing your people hide away or consider the biggest piece of their identity."

"Would you oven me?"

"....... Only if you asked."

>Hitachi turned on high<

"Sing... please sing it for me."


"What's your safe word?"

"Attic." >puts on kerchief and hip scarf<

"Every night, it feels right
Cuz they imported muds
They're so glib, They're a pain
But you're the only girl I wanna do
Never knew that it'd mean love a Jew, a Jew

They pushed queers, Obamacare
Letting stoners get so high
Trannies out everywhere
Let me show you what your people hide
You can see the world they set on fire, on fire

So oven all the Jews, ov-ov-oven all the Jews
Oven all the Jews, ov-ov-oven all the Jews
Touch the oven to, ta-ta-touch the oven to 450
What are you waiting for?

Integration, masturbation
Do you people ever stop?
Killing our whole nation
Civilization is gonnnnnna drop
And they'll just run off to Israel, Israel

Yeah, I can't keep their lies straaaaaaaaaight
'Cause they drove us to haaaaaaaaaaaate
There's gays in Star Wars I can't take this shit no more
>dramatic pause<
What are you waiting forrrrrrrrrrrrr?

Oven all the Jews, ov-ov-oven all the Jews
Oven all the Jews, ov-ov-oven all the Jews
Touch the oven to, ta-ta-touch the oven to 450
What are you waiting forrrrrrrrrrrr"

"STOP!" >drops Hitachi<

"Nyet blyad," >adjusts tie<, "that isn't the fucking safe-"

"Tie me up and slap me around. We've subverted Western civ too long. Give it to me!"

"Wait."

"What? What's wrong?"

"Let's Make America Great Again."




"I'll be your Khazar whorrrrrrrrre!"


>cries of passion< 

Take it away Ellie.....


3 comments:

Alexandros HoMegas said...

Brilliant!

You should write a book Ryan.

PA said...

Excellent!

peterike said...

I have to chime in as well that this was very good, though I don't have a particular comment to make.

Meanwhile OT and possible topic for Weimerica. Is it me, or is this "guy who killed his girlfriend and drained her blood" story getting relatively little coverage for something this grisly? And could it be because the guy who did it is a.... (((comedian)))?

http://nypost.com/2016/06/01/real-estate-heir-accused-of-mutilating-girlfriend-in-vampire-murder/