Wait Rob Ford died? Oh damn, it had to have been alcohol poisoning or alcoholi-nope it was cancer. Holy shit, he was young or was he, the guy was so fucking fat I couldn't tell. 46. Man, cancer doesn't fuck around.
Howthefuckdoyouevenpickafavoriterobfordmoment? When he bowled over the lady at the city meeting, it was hilarious for his utter disregard for a human being in his path. Dancing to reggae was pretty great. How do you top the image of him being tickled though?
Rob Ford was like a fat baby in that picture. Look at the glee in his eyes. Look at his smile. That is joy. Even the other guy looks happy. This odyssey was a Chris Farley movie brought to life: Tommy Boy, Mayor. Riddle me that on democracy. How the hell do we get Rob Ford as a mayor of a city bigger than Rumford, Maine? Democracy.
HowthehelldidIevenhearabouthim? Ohhhh was it the mayor may have done crack media fiasco? That was it. Who the fuck is doing crack in the 2010s? is crack really that good. Why do this in power? Why do this at all, but why when in power. His goddamn excuse was he must have done it when he was really drunk. He was excusing drug use due to his drunken state. Ford moved to the Marion Barry hall of fame, and was that part of the absurd focus?
Now honestly, did the white pigmentation aid in the media attention? Here was a drunken, drug using mayor of a big city acting in reprehensible ways but finally a white one so the media chattering classes could point and laugh? This happens, hell Marion Barry is still on the DC city council (and hates Asians), but it is never a media approved target [edit: Marion Barry died, but was on the council well after the crack and corruption arrests]. We haven't had a national conversation on a mass shooting in a while since the last several have been performed by non-whites. How the hell can the media spend time showcasing how messed up black political leaders are in between multiple television ads of the black father in a business suit coming home to a 3000 square foot home and 2 kids? If Ford were black would the news article call him "disgraced" in the dancing video? Wouldn't he be the affable, friendly and lovable rogue?
Even his sex scandal got more immediate attention than the Anthony Weiner scandal. The media defended Weiner for a while and even tried to rehabilitate him. Ford was being accused of anything and it was quickly picked up and believed. The man uttered the funniest denial of cheating in the history of political sex scandals.
Stopforamoment, stop stop stop and listen to his words. He was answering to charges he performed cunnilingus on another woman. Hookers were even involved. You couldn't write that in unless it was the lowest of cheap comedy films.
How did this guy become a symbol for anyone to use as a top ticket figure? It says more about the donors that they could not figure out how to position someone else as their candidate for mayor. What is the goal of these guys? is it to maximize the value of real estate for the developers? Can the donors just debate onstage their proposals rather than place the fat puppets like Rob Ford onstage? Make Toronto safe? What is it? Do you know, because I cannot figure it out and this is how we get stuck with guys like Rob Ford supposedly in charge of major Western cities.
I'll thank you Rob Ford. Thank you for showing how broken this system is and useless it is. You lost your fight with cancer, but your memory will live on.
Good night sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!