Overheard at a Catalina wine mixer...
"What are you even talking about? Oh, that I am in the tank for Rubio? Oh well, look you fringe, conspiracy theory reading, anti-gay peckerwood, I am intrigued by Rubio's position on important issues, ya know. He speaks so well. He is a fresh face. He is conservative. About what? Look, I don't have time for that shit, but I know that guy won't run when Israel is threatened. He will not let our greatest ally down. That reminds me >fumbles with Iphone< I have to order my new Israeli flag pin. Jonathan Pollard? Who is that? Oh, he served his debt to society. He should walk as an old man. I'm a lawyer, trust me, I know this stuff. Treason? Ehh, have you been to the Holy Land? The Israelis keep our shrines safe.
My man Rubio. What a man? He speaks so well, and in Spanish, too. I only know "uno baile mas" that I learned at a strip club. Strange how all the Mexican strippers here in California puff out like popcorn at 25. But Rubio's parents came here for freedom, and look at what heights he reached! Sure, he has no real accomplishments in life and is in debt, but he has worked his way up Florida's political ladder to run for president. That is something. Donors? Yeah, he has the best donors, ya know. Great Americans like Adelson, Singer and Finkelstein. They love him, which is proof of how good he is for America. These donors have backed some impressive nominees in the past and other top notch senators.
I heard this before when I backed Jeb, and ya know what, it's bullshit. They are entirely different men. Jeb was old news and weak. I was nostalgic for the glorious first term of W. Dude, we did things then. Marco is different. Rubio listens to old school rap and is cool. You know, now that you mention it, he and Jeb share virtually all of the same positions. That's proof of just how great of a choice Rubio is. Smart stances. Rubio is Reagan-esque. He isn't weak like Jeb, but what? Oh you want to know what Rubio has done versus Jeb? Uhh, let me Google that. Shit, coming up empty. Gossip says he did get hair transplants. He's a good looking guy, and man, his wife is hot. Manuel, two more shiraz over here.
He can beat Hillary. I know Rubio can. I read it on National Review and on the 100 conservative twitter accounts I follow that use South Park themed avatars and cite '80s movies. They are really witty. They know what's best for conservatives, ya know, and preserving America. Dana Loesch supports open borders the same as all major corporations and media outlets. Dana Loesch is hot. Oh shit, I hired a girl off Backpages just cause she looked like her. I brought horn rimmed glasses and told her to keep them on and talk about guns as we fucked. I see her once a month now. Always thought it was weird how RedState pushed Perry and when his campaign ran out of money they had to change their staff. We won in '14, and that's what matters!
Fuck Trump! Fuck limiting immigration. Fuck his wall. They don't work. Oh Israel's wall works? Well, maybe it just works for them, ya know, because of the desert. You're right there's a lot of desert in the American southwest. You guys tried that no more immigration shit here in California 20 years ago, and I told you then it was a bad idea. Immigration has helped us so much. The food is great. Remember, after my divorce, when I dated that Indian girl Gita Punani? I still eat chicken saag, but never found someone who could top her BJs. She called it advanced massage techniques. Diversity via immigration is a joy!
Look at us here in California. Shit, my kid is in private school now, but hey, I wasn't going to send him to our good school that turned bad. Too many fights on the school bus, ya know, not for my only son. There were a lot of English as a second language students too slowing things down. It just wasn't a good school anymore despite the same education spending. I can afford private thankfully. Running the Foreclosure Prevention division has earned the firm millions and kept people in their homes for an additional 6 months. It's a good deal. I made partner, and that's what matters, ya know.
If you guys nominate Trump, I'm fucking walking. I'll vote straight line GOP like always except for president. I'll go third party or, ya know, write in Joe Montana. I just thought of that 'cause it is football season. Gotta order a new jersey. My presidential vote doesn't matter in this state anyway. Actually lemme think about it. You know... Rubio and Hillary have almost the same platform and beliefs. She likes Israel, too! Holy shit, I did not know that. You know what? Fuck you guys, I'm going to support Hillary if Rubio doesn't get the nom. Since we control Congress, no way are my taxes going up, and Israel will stay safe. Fuck yeah!"