Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Maxim Wants Young Men to Want a 38 Year Old

Maxim could be a really cool magazine for young men as a Playboy Lite if it were to blatantly steal from the manosphere for some content. It does not. It churns out crap. Here is their Woman of the Year for 2013: Eva Longoria.

You done laughing?

Sarcasm On/ Oh my God, totally revving my engines seeing this 38 year old with a rocking body that is airbrushed to the point where she looks like an Impressionist painting. Super Latina es muy caliente and she is wicked smart getting a masters' degree. She even says she wrote a thesis! Oh man, I'd take her home to mom! She even taught me a Spanish phrase "Que rico". I'm gonna use that next time I see me a Latina. Eva Longoria even produced a show that was about devious Hispanic maids. She is soooooo hot. Maxim's so f-ing awesome!/Sarcasm Off

Remember this surprised face for later
Eva Longoria is a gorgeous woman, but is 38 when the target audience for Maxim is much much younger. If we're going to go the all around woman route, there isn't some female military member they could spotlight since Maxim is the favorite magazine of servicemen? There isn't some red state babe they could highlight? Maybe even Jennifer Lawrence who has stolen the crown as America's sweetheart who seems like the girl next door who went to college and learned to be hot.

No, we have to fire up the airbrush cannons and get divorced Longoria on the cover of Maxim. Longoia is another one of the rare birds of Hollywood who married a much younger man, and then got cheated on for a younger woman, humiliated in public (the woman wasn't as "hot" as Longoria but better than Tiger's girls) and had to end it all. Let us boost her ego while simultaneously telling young men that damn, she is 38 but the woman of the year. Ogle her. Value her for all of these flimsy outside things, and ogle her as your desired mate. The masters' degree is flimsy nothingness as it is in Chicano Studies with a special female twist. Her thesis was titled "Success STEMs from Diversity: the Value of Latinas in STEM Careers". The publicist who answered the Maxim's interview questions is probably different from the agent's lackey that wrote the thesis for her. This is the mental equivalent of masturbating in a mirror with a picture of her 21 year old self in one hand.

The progressive priests will be happy to see a "woman of color" as Maxim's woman of the year, but let's slow down and recall her Hall of Fame Surprise Face (after the bad advertisement it is the gaped mouth surprise) at finding out she was 70% European. Race is not biological or real except when Henry Louis Gates does genetic testing on celebrities. She or her publicist could stress her pride in being a Mexican from Mexico (her phrase from the DNA video) in this Maxim interview with a lesson to readers to say "Que Rico" for something good or special, but news flash Eva, those prole white guys reading Maxim who slept with a Hispanic girl have already heard "Que Rico". We understand. Stop trying so hard. Maxim, knock it off and get back to selling sheep on gadgets they don't need, lists of inane things and beta-proggy snark humor that subtly mocks your readers.


Monroe Ficus said...

I'm suprised with 70% european DNA, she still has that cute amerindian look.

Here's a pic of her w/o makeup.

I dig the chicano girls, but theres milllions of them under 25 to choose from; saw a real cutie on Judge Judy the other day, fighting her baby daddy for child support

Mike said...

This is about what I would expect from Maxim, even considering I haven't so much as looked at their cover in about a decade. It's a great example of how out of touch the mainstream is when it comes to their perception of men and what they're about, particularly the 18-34 demo. The new Esquire network is another great example of a men’s outlet that feels like the content is all determined by women and manginas.

I had read maybe a few months ago that they were sold for an undisclosed sum but that the price paid was a mere ~10% of what the mag sold for less than a decade earlier. Some of that is the death of print media overall but also how shitty the content is.
This article from the NYT ( shows a lot of the problems, albeit you have to read between the lines. For one, the dating columnist was a woman. But you pick up the overall vibe of the Maxim editors is that they view their consumers as largely overgrown boys who drink light beer and ogle any woman with a pulse. With that type of contempt, gee, I wonder why men stopped buying.

SOBL, why are marketers so piss poor at “getting” young men and producing content that isn’t completely insulting? I agree, a magazine like Maxim should crib the manosphere but it’s (sadly) far too subversive in its raw form, even a good percentage of men would reject it. About the only ad I’ve seen recently that respects this group is the Guinness ad where a group of friends are playing wheelchair basketball and shows the strong bond of male camaraderie.

Son of Brock Landers said...

Monroe - I dated some Cubans, I love the Mediterranean look, and Latin women seem to be some of the last that love female roles like doting mother, complimentary wife, attentive lover. My wife is that Mediterranean type and tans walking by a lightbulb. Longoria is a very attractive woman, and seeing a pic of her parents at her graduation, I am not shocked she was 70% euro. The skin shade is from dad... and self tanner.

Mike - I did not know Esquire sold for 10% of what it did a decade ago! Damn, you're right, that is due to content and the future of print. At a point, they will find a rock bottom cost basis that their weak revenue due to clicks will provide. You could draw up a Manosphere Maxim from who is out there to hit dating, travel, style, marriage debates, family court horror stories, movie reviews that dump on ludicrous warrior women etc. Don't tone it down, because by being so far to the other side, it'd generate buzz just from being different and fresh.

As far as why advertising misses with young men it seems like a combination of advertising becoming more female and inclusive for minorities. The minority bit fragments what men things are marketed to and the rising number of females loosens the connection to the male psyche. A successful ad campaign has been the Old Spice ads, but those ads make a mockery of being manly while saying they are for helping you become manly. The latest Old Spice ads center around Moms snooping on their boys becoming men. A product for men that puts mom as the star.

These advertising women have no clue. The call for inclusion means there's weak compromises on how every ad is set up where it has to appeal to a common shitty level and magically have every combo of 4 guys be 3 whites and 1 black (well dressed) disregarding the existence of Asians and Hispanics.

There is something else at work, and I've been thinking about it for a post and it involves my negative society concept. It comes down to molding masculinity and keeping the man-children just distracted and diverted and beta enough to not complain. The 18-34 male demo is getting dumped on non-stop while being told it is dumb and evil. Do not poke the sleeping bear. Make it dance.

Anthony said...

Maxim, like Playboy, isn't selling a marriage fantasy, it's selling a sex fantasy.

If I were 22 again, I wouldn't want to marry a 38-year-old, no matter how hot, but I'd definitely be up to f*** one for a while if she were as hot as Longoria in makeup. (And probably even out of makeup.) And if I were 22 again, I wouldn't be looking for a potential wife, just a potential sex partner, just as I was a quarter century ago when I *was* 22.

Mike said...

SOBL - Sorry for the confusion but I was referring to Maxim selling for roughly 10% of what it sold almost a decade previous. It was a private sale so the exact sum wasn't disclosed but bids were around that amount.

Anonymous said...

In the past decades Playboy has pictorialized trannies, senior oldster ladies, super fatties, furries, anything you can think off. Well, no, not anything. There is one aspect of what has historically been considered female beauty that would not even be hinted at in the pages of Playboy nowadays. It might as well not exist.