Saturday, December 28, 2013

Saturday Night Live Skits

I'm usually disappointed by Saturday Night Live. I come up with random skits from time to time. These were two of my new ones.

Skit 1: "2nd Wife Auditions" - This can be set up like a reality TV competition show with a couple being two of the judges and then Simon Cowell or anyone with a British accent (Americans love to hear Brits criticize them) as the third judge. Couple auditions women after filtering through hundreds of profiles on Faceborg. The man and woman ask questions regarding household chores, if the woman is willing to give up her cats and sex issues. There could also be the hot contestant that the husband reacts positively to, but the wife nixes. Some could be rejected a 2nd time trying to use a fake name and profile because they are too old. You can set up the "elimination" bit with the rejected woman getting a parting gift of a new cat. A "winner" could be a cute woman who is willing to cook half the time, will iron everything and has no gag reflex. Everyone is a winner. If repeated, the skit could end each time with a different combination that meets all needs.

Skit 2: "Single Dad Sexting Adventures" - Because it involves texting or email, the screen and voiceovers of reading the messages makes it perfect for SNL. Guy gets sexts from girl ready to go but needs to get a babysitter. A three part arc to the skit.

1st round - Woman is very direct, he's warm to it but realizes he needs a last second babysitter. Tries his parents, and when they selfishly have some stupid "stay young forever" plans like Boomers always seem to have, he can send a text or email with "Guess we're going elsewhere for Thanksgiving" or "Continuing the abandoning behavior with a new generation, mom".

2nd round - Chick sends him freakier messages, maybe a 50 Shades of Grey reference or her learning something from porn, and he's playing it cool in replies not because he is supercool but because he's getting nervous about finding a sitter. This time he tries his sisters for a cousins sleepover. They shut him down, and he sends a text like "F*(k you Miranda" but because he is bouncing back and forth between emails and texts that goes as a text to the chick.

This sets up the final round - Chick responds "I don't know who Miranda is, but does she look like this" with a pic that creates an obvious reaction shot from the guy. In his desperation, he emails married friends wanting to "practice for kids by babysitting other people's kids overnight", is asking around near his cubicle and then sees a reply. The husband of the duo says "Man, I understand, knock it out".

Because both of these skits can be repeated, Lorne Michaels would support using them. Only problem is they do not completely toe the line of liberal approved humor. Saturday Night Live roughly 25 years ago mocked homosexual stereotypes with Dana Carvey's "Lyle, the Effeminate Heterosexual", which might earn them a Gulag trip if they tried it now. I'd gladly write for SNL but on the condition that I become the new announcer. My Don Pardo imitation is so good that people would think he is still alive and announcing for SNL. I hope your Saturday night involves much better times than watching SNL.

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