Saturday, November 23, 2013

Had JFK Jr. Lived

Americans love to play the JFK assassination counterfactual history game. If only JFK had lived is the refrain of so many Boomers, liberals and true believers. JFK gets turned into a more handsome and smarter Ted Kennedy, when he was nothing of the sort. He was handsome and glib, so Americans could forgive the horrible nature of his personality. Having the media cover up for his faults for decades with mythology and weepy eyed specials helps. That mythology, and the national emotional investment in it, made a far more plausible counterfactual a possible reality. Unfortunately, the arrogance of rich people destroyed it. Had JFK Jr. not flown at night when not instrument rated for flying and crashed, he would be president today.

Candidates do not seek donors, donor groups and interests seek candidates. JFK Jr. would have been an amazing symbol for the American left to use as a candidate. With his family, all he had to do was ask, and doors would have opened for him. He was in a favorable blue state, New York, and the state actually had a weak pipeline for top ticket talent around 2000. New York Dems had been crushed in the '94 elections and the Dems were finding their DLC funded footing so the bench was weak. There is a reason Clinton could walk into New York state and have no obstacles to winning their nomination for the US Senate seat. No one was in line. Let us walk through steps to get to JFK Jr's presidential coronation.
Landslide 100% female vote

1. JFK Jr. lands his plane at night after a scary ride and tells his wife, "I'm nevah fahking doing that again".

2. Uncle Ted talks to Jon-Jon about having a kid and running for office. Tells him, forget the US Senate seat opening up, just give a speech at the 2000 Democrat convention, and we'll find something for you.

3. JFK Jr gives speech at 2000 Democrat convention that causes media to orgasm, overshadowing everything else.

4. JFK Jr. does listening tour of upstate New York in 2001, makes appearances in NYC after 9/11, announces intentions to run for Governor, and Gov. George Pataki announces he will not seek a 3rd term.

5. JFK Jr. runs for New York governor in 2002 and wins with a never before seen share of the female vote. JFK Jr was made People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. Jon-Jon was so iconic with women that Elaine Benes could not be queen of the castle and lost the bet in Seinfeld's famous "The Contest" episode. He was the dreamboat that caused her to lose control; recall she was paying 10-1 in that episode to participate. Tingles galore in the voting booth.

6. JFK Jr. declines to run in '04 ("too soon"), rejects Kerry's request to be the vice presidential nominee, but gives a speech at 2004 convention that causes the media to collectively weep tears for liberalism and use headlines asking "A Return to Camelot?". No one notices the geeky black guy who spoke the night before JFK Jr.

Crown Prince
7. JFK Jr. wins reelection in 2006 during the big sweep by Democrats nationwide, allowing the media to pump the success of New York's economy in the 2000s. JFK Jr. does appearances with Mayor Bloomberg about NYC's renaissance to appear bipartisan as well as law and orderly. Media starts discussing rebirth of liberal Democrats, and Boomers get their second wind on '60s nostalgia, leading to.....

8. Full blown '60s and "Camelot" propaganda. At a press conference with his attractive wife and two, small children behind him, JFK Jr. announces he will run for president. Everyone on the left clears out. Hillary Clinton cries herself to sleep because she knows JFK Jr. won't need her as a VP for the female vote.

9. JFK Jr. picks whomever he wants as VP (possibly that young black guy like his father would have dreamed, wait a "JFK-MLK echo") and can do no wrong on the campaign trail. It does not matter if he does because the video of Jon-Jon saluting his dead father's casket as a toddler is played 1,000,000 times and "The Restoration of Camelot" is all people hear for 18 months, leading to...

10. JFK Jr. winning in a landslide thanks to Boomers and women, purely for issues and ideological outreach to the female voting bloc. "Camelot Restored" is the theme to every media report during the first 100 days.

1 comment:

PRCD said...

I'm so glad he and that ditz died in a plane crash sparing the world of more Kennedy seed.