Wednesday, October 16, 2013

My Col. Jessup Routine

Alluding to "A Few Good Men" a few posts ago reminded me how the leftward drift of my paternal, highly argumentative progressive side of the family has become so bad that they social media shun my uncle who was critical of Obama or gently say to my mom "SOBL's very bright but he says...". I've fully owned the Alex P. Keaton grandson of Archie Bunker role and commit the horrible crime of using facts and not shutting up. I do feel like Col. Jessup when they gang up because the truth is on my side and half of them are government dependents or criminals.

In honor of Jack Nicholson's amazing turn as Col. Jessup, here's my "You Can't Handle the Truth" speech.

"You can't handle the truth. We live in a world of decline and chaos. Some men will have to stand for order. Who's going to do that? You? >looks at Boomer aunt< You Alinsky-Marxist? I have a greater responsibility of providing tax dollars for your government checks and producing children who won't be fucking psychos than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Trayvon and curse the successful businessman! You have that luxury. You have that luxury of being brainwashed to believe lies. You don't know what I know. While that future career criminal's death is tragic, it probably saved lives, and my existence while grotesque and incomprehensible to your Starbucks sipping ass, produces order and security. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at '80s dance parties you WANT me to be successful, you NEED me to be successful. We use words like God, tradition, family. We use them as the backbone of a life spent building civilization. You use 'em as a snarky punchline! I have neither the time nor inclination to explain myself to a man who eats and sleeps with my tax money and in my safe neighborhoods and then criticizes the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you and went back to playing video games! Otherwise, get a job and stop living off others. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!" 

2 comments:

PRCD said...

I engage people sometimes. Boomers are bitter, old and want their guvmint bennies. The future for their grandchildren doesn't matter. They're as good of grandparents as they were parents. Then you have those on the guvmint dole, including the guvmint employees, who love all things guvmint. Boomers love guvmint too.

You can yell, "BOOTSTRAPS!" and, "Personal responsibility!" at them all you want, but the guvmint has the bennies.

More and more I just wish the states would break apart into separate countries so the people of each of the separate countries can live as they've voted without the Fed to bail them out.

Also, lol at them sending notes to your mom: "SOBL is smart but..." Identical things happen to me.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant