Monday, June 17, 2013

Movie Idea: Alicia in NYC Wonderland

Hollywood is s festival of schlock. We know it's crap and even they know it's crap. Scratch that. Some of them know it's crap, as Spielberg and Lucas are warning of a coming implosion. Here is an idea for an independent film that wouldn't cost much. It's kind of like a remake, so some dumb producer will support it, but it's a bit different. Let's use "Alice in Wonderland" as a skeleton for the movie, but set it in modern day New York City and flesh it out with the characters of NYC. We have to think what will be appealing to a lefty producer who most likely is Jewish and might be gay. Read on for the details if you wish.

"Alicia in a New York City Wonderland"

  • Modern day NYC - Movie is one long day in city.
  • Alicia is Hispanic girl (Mexican) from Washington Heights, maybe 8-10 years old.
  • Chesire cat is played by one actor (Hispanic guy) who shows up that is always doing a different shit job in the city.
  • White Rabbit is the name of the trucking delivery company her father works for, therefore, Alicia's following of the trucks is the plot device that moves her from different spots.
  • We'll have short scenes where concerned parents are trying to get cops help, praying for her return, eventually going home and waiting.
  • Minorities, a gay element, and a NYC setting, what producer says no?

Start of the day is Alicia on Staten Island with her parents visiting friends of the family. Normal kid-parent friction. She goes down to sleep for the night mad at them. Parents love her blah blah. She sets out early next morning to high tail it. She takes early morning ferry over and has weird conversation with old man (the door from AinW). She gets to ferry terminal in Manhattan, and like many runaways, realizes how dumb her idea was. No one knows where she is, and she has no cash. Can't figure what to do. First bump in with Chesire guy, as maintenance guy in terminal. He gives her some words, she plays close to the vest, and she sees a "White Rabbit Delivery" truck. Her dad works for that company. She decides to follow it to hitch a ride. Alicia's journey is up the island of Manhattan to home in Spanish harlem (hmm, this is like Alice in Wonderland crossed with the Warriors).

Tweedledee-Tweedledum - Two Asian guys in Chinatown with names that phonetically sound like the tweedle twins. We'll make them gay, and they give her a ride up the island a bit. Like the tweedle twins, they are obsessed with logic, manners and recite a story they memorized. They will drive horribly. She gladly gets out the car with them in Central Park. She sees a "White Rabbit" truck parked nearby and walks to it....

The Alice is Big in the House Scene - The truck is delivering refreshments for an event. Alicia is in Central Park as there is some children's special event going on. Everyone is in costume and passing around candies, cookies, drinks, etc. General goofiness, and then she'll piss off someone because she's bigger and older than many of the kids and is tossed off the west exit of Central Park.

Snooty Flowers scene - Alicia gets collected up in a swarm of 3rd world looking kids, and is ushered into a swank apartment building. She and the other United Nations looking kids enter a sweet apartment with a bunch of 40-something, single white women hanging out having a party. The kids all sing one of those lame "We're all different, yet we're all the same" songs, and at the end of it, Alicia realizes that these ladies have all adopted these 3rd world kids. The hostess asks her where she is from and where her mom is, but once they find she is a random Mexican-American, they escort her out, oblivious to the irony of 'their' children.

Caterpillar - Alicia walks a bit and hears some weird Indian style music. She gets closer and sees it's white trust funders smoking from a hookah. A young woman beckons her in, and the crowd gives her the "Who are you... where are you going" routine, which she answers with straight answers, but they don't get it. They are stoners constantly discussing the higher transcendent crap. She looks out the window and see a "White Rabbit" truck. Leaves as caterpillar crowd, (we'll have them make weird connect 4 type physical configuration) gets weird. She misses truck but bumps into Chesire guy who is building super. He recommends she reach out for help. Alicia too independent and stubborn. Keeps walking and smells something good, which brings her to...

Mad Hatter Tea Party - Alicia comes to a store run by a SWPL guy with ornate facial hair and a stupid SWPL hat. An androgynous woman (March Hare) can be his business partner at their boutique tea shop. They talk absolute non-sense and are hyperobsessed with tea, never answering her questions ("Can I use your phone?") and never giving her any tea. She's getting into the triple digits for street numbers, so she knows she's getting closer to home. It's still light out, but she's hungry. Meets three brothers, Ace, Deuce and Trey, who will take her to their mom....

Queen of Hearts - Alicia meets Queenie with a heart tattoo who is a big black woman with tons of sons. She has many dressed in red. Queenie (should it be LaQueenie?) claims to be the HBIC of her building and block. She is excited to have a girl around as she never had a daughter. Never offers help. Snaps on her sons and even hits one or two. Eventually she asks Alicia if she wants to ball. Alicia doesn't play but says she will if she can get an escort home after. Queenie challenges her to a game of HORSE, bragging of her ball skills which sounds funny because she's fat. She claims she was good before her first kid (Ace). On a playground court, she is a maven and gets H-O on Alicia. She even makes "ho" jokes about Alicia. Alicia's nearly in tears and when Queenie takes her next shot, you hear an airhorn sound. Queenie misses and goes nuts on the boys. Alicia looks, and sees the Chesire guy behind the wheel of a large truck. He smiles. It's Alicia's shot. She closes her eyes and throws it over her head. It goes in. She thinks she's got Queenie. Nope. Queenie saunters over and says that is her closing shot. Goes to take the shot, and then we hear gunfire. Everyone scatters. Bodies going everywhere. Alicia confused and mixed up.

We see her in the front seat of a vehicle as it pulls up to a house. Guy on radio mentions dropping her off. Arms pick her up and bring her to the door. Her parents do that talking fast Spanish excited and happy thing. Lots of thanking God in Spanish. Reunion is sweet. Her dad says "Thanks Cesar", and Alicia looks back to see who dropped her off. It's Chesire guy, and he's driving a "White Rabbit" van. Come on, I set you up here with that one. You knew it was coming. She thanks and hugs him. End the movie. It's a happy ending.

1 comment:

Brad said...

Dumb as shit.