Sunday, May 12, 2013

Ode to the Ladies of Mad Men

Oh the ladies of Mad Men, for years it has been a treat.
Teasing viewers like me of a time when offices had eye candy.
Hotels had discrete tramps, airlines slim stewardesses, + sexy schoolteachers were randy.
Even if wives suspected, for us boys, the divorce laws were handy.
Watching you all in mid-20th century wardrobes has been sweet.
My mind wanders and I figure out how it'd go if we would meet.

January Jones, features so striking even in Betty's constant pout.
Don's work wife, the chick who plays Peggy, I'll mention you for a placeholder.
Playing the good girl on a show full of hot chicks, at least they're mostly older?
I'd set you up with my engineering and actuarial friends, after 3 drinks they're bolder.
January reminds me of club skanks I'd bang and yell, "Get the fuck out".
You'd crawl back but without telling your friends because that's what we'd be about.

Jessica Pare with slender bod, alluring eyes and French skills was a wonderful addition.
Alison Brie so slim, so stacked, you remind me of the JAPs I hooked up with from Alpha Phi.
It'd be love, and you'd have been obsessed with me, dreaming names for our first baby.
Until you remembered my last name, realized I was a Gentile + dumped me.
My worldview is so shallow I'd slide over to Jess. I can look beyond her dental condition.
Your not as hot as Alison, so I'd pray you'd be good in the kitchen.

Bimbo 1, bimbo 2, bimbo 3and bimbo 4,
Names? You're a whirlwind of legs, butts and tits.
For moi, the end result of drinking + bong hits.
Like in real life a faceless blur to tell my kids.
One more season to go, so yes, there will be more.
You'd be naked if this were on HBO, of that I'm sure.

Big Red and the Redettes, how we all have been blessed.
I'd mack your friend the whole night but stay sober + switch to you.
Set up a night for martinis at Stella's for two.
Working your walk and strutting my apartment with anything dangling on your chest.
No matter 180 pounds, Double Es, 46 inch hips, I would love you the best.

So sweet ladies of Mad Men...

If I were to die and be put to rest,
Just make sure my face lays on sweet Christina's left breast.


Anonymous said...

You mean AEPhi right?

clerestorian said...

You mean AEPhi, right?

Son of Brock Landers said...

At Cornell, Alpha Phi - Delta Chapter is a sorority.

Clerestorian said...

Ah, the JAP comment confused me. While A Phi is definitely top tier and attractive, they're not at all Jewish. That's pretty much AEPhi, SDT, and AXO these days.

Son of Brock Landers said...

AEPhi was the place for pretty JAPs so some things never change. I just googled the AEPhi JAP I hooked up with, and damn, still looks good.

Brie actually reminds me of a Catholic girl I dated from Alpha Phi. Legacy admission, slim but still stacked. At the time Alpha Phi was cute Gentiles with some JAPs, but not as heavy JAP as AEPhi. Tri-Delt was majorly Jewish when I first got there but by graduation they had become heavily Gentile. It was amazing how houses could change. Same for frats.

DG is house of the hottest chicks, 70s, 90s, forever. It's written in some CU bylaw somewhere.