Thursday, September 13, 2012

4 Men, 4 Ivy League Stereotypes

Every Ivy league and sister school graduate* in America must look at the last 20 years of presidential politicis and see familiar faces. It is not that they are friends with Clinton, Bush, Obama or Romney, but that these four men represent four spectacular stereotypes on campus. It feels like watching old friends, but more appropriately, four people you couldn't count on or loathed to see on campus.

The guy who is fun but screws you over constantly - Bill Clinton

You think a kid from the sticks with a rougher background might be a great, regular Joe on campus. Not quite. Clinton would be the guy who definitely smokes weed, definitely rocks it hard on the weekend, but the moment trouble arises, he'll turn on you. He will disavow all knowledge of what went on, and narc on you as long as he isn't in the room when you're busted. This guy hits on your girlfriend when you are back home for a funeral. You enjoy spending time with him but never fully trust him.

The wealthy, legacy admission with no right to be there but knows all the best parties - Dubya

He's loaded. He's got access to alcohol, drugs and good looking girls. He pulls pranks and is fun. He's also the last guy you want on your group project. When assigned to your group, you find a way to give him the least challenging portion and then hope the grading is done on only your part of the project. He's going to invite you out drinking on a Wednesday when you should be studying for midterms, and he'll rib you enough to make you go out. All his core drinking friends fail out except him. He's also going to get bad grades and break windows but never be asked to leave because his parents will make a donation to the school. You look at him and think about the good guy much smarter than him that you personally know was rejected by the same school. Yeah, this is Dubya to a T.

Affirmative action kid who professors love for being a minority but no one likes - President Obama

No one likes him. He sucks up to teachers. He is black but doesn't act in any stereotypical black manner. Because of that black but not 'black' cultural issue he's a loner who doesn't fit in with anyone and a downer. He milks that for pity sex from girls and the random romp with a white liberal who wants to dabble in the exotic but not all the way exotic.You think he is gay. If he's mixed, he switches what ethnicity he IDs with every month. He uses whatever side of his family to his advantage depending on the crowd. Professors love him. Professors give his essays better grades whether written on napkins. You have never seen him take a math, science or yes/no answer subject course. He is very beta. The school will invite him as a student rep for some student, administration, professors, donor dinner like some pet. You look at him and think about the white kids who got rejected from that school for his ass. President Obama has no friends from his undergrad days, right?

The rich kid, who is handsome, smart, gets chicks, and despite not needing money already has a start up out of his dorm room - Romney

This guy drives a Porsche Boxster or a BMW Z3 on campus. He's in the rich kid frat. He's handsome and gets the hot chicks. He has minions. He goes to Switzerland or Aspen for winter break, and always has a spring break tan in April. He's Mr. Perfect and aces classes studying less than you. You heard a rumor that his start up got venture capital funding already. You know his dad is a CFO or political big wig, and you're pissed he's taking up a spot on campus.... but the jerk does well in class. You can't stand the guy, and mostly, it's because you can't compete. You still want to punch him in the face, but you're almost certain, he'd beat the shit out of you... or his minions would.

*Northwestern, MIT, Duke, U of Chicago, Stanford, CalTech

1 comment:

Harry Baldwin said...

Great stuff! Your blog keeps getting better.