Sunday, November 14, 2010

Thank God I am Not Single

Last weekend, one of my oldest and closest friends came to visit. About 21 years ago, he and I were assigned to the same project of designing a pulley system that kids could use for lifting large weights. We had to draw plans and then mime how it would work. It was a fun project, and out of that we became friends. Two decades later, we still email during the week. His visit was to see the new life I had here in the Midwest, catch up, see some sights and enjoy the nightlife. After two nights out on the town, I am thankful I no longer am single.

It would be a lie to say I didn't think about it occasionally when we were out, but the single landscape appears to be a chaotic landscape. It was a laugh when young women guessed my friends upcoming birthday was his 24th (nope, it's the big 3-0). Plus, we're a good team together. Some broad generalizations will follow. When did all women start wearing super tight pants? This is new as little as 5 years ago, not all women wore tight pants out. I mean pants where you can see VPL. Even the overweight women were wearing tight pants. Can we create a privately funded 'appropriate clothing' police force? This goes for men, too. Men were dressed as if in their living rooms. We had collared shirts and stood out. Men also have weight issues that get complicated by sweating. I saw plenty of pit stains. Bad. Thing is, they still can get laid even tubby and stained with sweat. I think it is possible to meet someone at a bar or club, but the screening process is much much flimsier at those locations. I now understand the appeal of internet dating sites.

For all of the men out there, just because you hit the gym once a week and do the same 3, upperbody exercises and look husky, does not mean you are a future model for bodybuilding.com. You are tubby, not built. This is a double standard where husky guys can pull the "I work out" card because they have mass but no real definition or shape. Women can't do that. The closest female equivalent I can think of is when slightly bigger girls with large breasts talk about their wonderful bosoms, but we know the truth. At least I could see those women and estimate how they'd look in 10-20 years. These guys wear Ed Hardy shirts. They also tend to shave their heads. I'm trying to picture them in 20 years and I can't. That must be tough for women out there. In the end, neither the husky guys nor the bragging husky, top heavy women would engage in that behavior if it did not pay off with sex or relationships!

The final change I noticed was the increase in the percentage of women at the strip club we went to. I was rather shocked by this I had last been to that club 3 years ago and saw maybe 2 lesbians that night. We saw probably 20 women, most seemed straight, like they were out on a date as they entered on the arm of a man. It is just my view, but I'd never take a date to one. Dancers also told us straight women don't tip as well as other patrons. My friend and I still think we could run a fantastic strip club. After hearing how the money system works at that particular one, I think we'd figure out a sustainable system. I'd also have to grow a goatee, change my sleep schedule and become a slezeball.

If I were single, the double standards of aging and women seeking older men would work in my favor. It is totally unfair, but all men have to do is make decent money (+40K annually), maintain a healthy weight and either keep their hair or look good with a shaved head. My friend and I talked much about marriage, and as he put it "why get married when so much is available?" With a carefully managed internet dating profile (match.com for sex, eharmony for relationships) and a bit of game for 'real' situations, a man could continously hop from bed to bed with women between 18-27 if that was what one desired. You could put off marriage for as long as possible while still satisfying sexual desires, and still marry a young woman to keep the child bearing window open. I am a hopeless romantic and enjoy having a wife who is my best friend, so I don't think I'd be happy in my friend's situation for as long as he's run his game. It does work for him, and I am continuously amazed by the situations he can arrange with attractive & intelligent women. He's happy with his choices and so am I. That's what matters. I just thank God I am no longer on the single scene.


*I also know why many of my divorced female friends with one kid have not remarried. Ed Hardy wearing husky guys might not be the best candidates for weekday 'dad'.

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