Thursday, September 09, 2010

Stop Being a Dickless Boyfriend

This was originally going to be an email, but I don't have his email, so I'll leave it open for maybe some other young man to also use for guidance.

Stop Being the Dickless Boyfriend - A Guide

Have a female friend who looks pretty fine and you're vibing her but she is dating some other douchebag? Does she use you for everything a girl would use a boyfriend except for the sex part? Worried you are in the friendzone and have no way out? Here's a plan.

Female friends are useful and a refreshing change from guy friends. Women think differently from men, so sharing problems with them can yield solutions or a point of view you never considered. Females that you find attractive but treat you just as a friend are a waste of your time and effort. Use them to meet new girls to date as women are the best pimp you could ever have. If interested in her, just stop and move on. Stop letting them use you for all of the wonderful things you do and provide for them. At the end of the day, they are not sleeping with you. You can play the best bud who helps her with all your problems, but that is not closing the deal. Cutting her off cold turkey might jumpstart something, but more than likely, she is attractive enough to find another sucker to play dickless boyfriend. If she had no one to play dickless boyfriend for her, she'd realize how empty her current relationship with the loser older guy is.

Step 1 - Pay attention to listen to the 'friend' name a girl she thinks is pretty that you know.
Step 2 - If she's playing the game of stopping by every night to watch a movie or 'hang out', keep that schedule going to lull her into security.
Step 3 - Invite the girl she thinks is pretty over (decoy) for a movie night the same night the 'friend' normally comes over.
Step 4 - Treat your 'friend' like she is a one of the guys, even go so far as ignore comments, selectively not respond to her, all the while lavish attention on the decoy in front of 'friend'.
Step 5 - After movie or whatever event, send 'friend' home and keep decoy there for maybe an extra 10 mins. Heck, if things go well, hook up.
Step 6 - Never tell 'friend' what happened with decoy after the friend left.

She'll either get jealous and see you in a different way (desirable man), and maybe reconsider why she spends so much time with you, confront you about why yo invited decoy over when you knew she was coming as usual, or she'll encourage you with decoy and the gambit failed. My bet is she either reconsiders her feelings for you and the game is afoot or she will confront you. When she confronts you, don't actually answer her questions.

Step 1- Tell her it's none of her business. "you're not my mom/sister."
Step 2 - Ask why she gives a shit. "What are you jealous?"
Step 3 - Tell her if she can't handle it, you've got limited time to spend and will spend it as you please.

This will probably create enough of a tense moment that you could make a move and pounce. If you just force her out of the apartment, she'll prob spend the whole night thinking of you. When she shows up next time, make your move.


beauty sale shopper said...

on the 'when she confronts you' steps... a dude should not be suprised if he gets bitch-slapped as a result of one of your ready responses... not judging, just saying. Very funny post!

Son of Brock Landers said...

Probably a good response if she slaps you. Using Person B to make Person A jealous works. It applies to both genders.

beauty sale shopper said...

Yeah, we've all been there. Sometimes a jumpstart (or reality check) is needed.