Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Love vs. Lust

While chatting with a young family member, I was looking back on the number of times I had actually fallen in love. These instances did not end well except for that woman who eventually became my wife. The emotion of love, in all its forms, is powerful. While the love a person can feel for their child or parent can be a one of a kind bond, to truly love an outsider and spend a life with them is even odder and more amazing. You have no reason to feel those feelings towards someone whom you have no connection except for contact begun well after personalities develop and with far less history than a steady acquaintance.

Now I am not talking about lust. Lust is that whirlwind feeling of wanting to be with someone. It's that adrenaline rush of seeing them enter a room. It's far more sexual. It's much more like possession. As cheeseball as it sounds, I consider sex one of the greatest gifts to humanity as it allows us to break that old physicist's saying that two bodies cannot occupy the same space in time. Lust is why I think so many of those relationships that form between a married person and the interloper fail is that they are built on lust and the rush to possess the other. Lust is powerful in its own right, but far more ephemeral. Marriages built on lust, or the silly notion of being 'in love'*, often fail.

Love really is what you have that lust just amps up, as in lustful moments in a loving relationship. Lust is that question of 'what would it be like with her' while love is like 'what would life be like without her'. Lust always feels like the dark side of the force to me whereas love is the patient, right way. Love is a bit about submitting your will to the idea of a shared will. It is giving up control. Yes, pain, a ripped out heart and hurt feelings are possible side effects, but with every reward comes risk. You don't consider the person a player in your life, you are embedded in their life and they in yours.

*'in love' is such a fricking scam. it's lust, and if someone isn't in love with you anymore it's that the chase is gone and thye don't love you. when they say i love you but i'm not in love with you that means 'i fucked you, it was fun, but i never really loved you but we've been together long enough that i have to say love in this break up convo so you don't feel used'.

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