If someone were to write a sequel to American Psycho and set it in 2007-2010, they would definitely create a restaurant like Prime Meats. It's Germanish, whatever that means, and does not take reservations. Oh my god even Dorsia had reservations, how can I brag about getting in??? Oh even better, no reservations so if I get in that means I had to go at an odd time and suffer and outsmart others. Do you a website, are a brownstone bohemian, or have good art at home? If you do, you'd be at this place. It is that exclusive and hip. Going to this place will cause you to evaluate the life choices you made that placed you far away from this mecca of meatery. You think you're getting in here??? Look, you better live within walking distance to get in here within an hour. How dare you drive here! THIS ARTICLE WILL JUDGE YOU FOR NOT LIVING NEARBY YOU SUBURBAN FAKE HIPSTER!!!
Wait, you want to pay with a credit card? How dare you. Go to the bodega ATM, notice the useless reference to a bodega ATM, and get cash to pay for your overpriced food bar food. Seriously, they had to say bodega ATM so you knew it was 'kewl'. Nothing says kewl and hip like a Notorious BIG reference 15 years after he died. There a whiz kids with tats cooking up drinks bitters better than rabbis know the Talmud, which means they know it well.... after all when you're a bartender, why wouldnt you want to know the fucking drinks and ingredients. The place only takes cash because dealing with credit card companies is a problem. Uhhh, yeah stupid reporter, there is this other thing: tax evasion. You keep separate books much easier when you have cash transactions. It makes reporting revenue much much easier to hide and you keep more of the profits (we'll see more of this soon). After reading this crap, you would think the review was 3 or 4 stars. Nope 2 piddly stars for such an awesome and exclusive place that people are dying to get into.
This douchebag inspired me to email him.... maybe he'll write back. What else does he have to do?