Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Foolproof Way for Nerdy Yet Physically Attractive Men to Have Sex

This study is rather sad to read about, and supports some stereotypes of nerds. I can help nerd men find ways to 'mate'. Look at the comments section of the 'parapundit' entry I linked to, the nerds call it mating or breeding. Bad. Side note: part of the problem is that parents lavish their smart kids with constant praise for being smart which further pushes them down the nerd road. Nerds are just as egotistical as jocks. The study said studio art majors were the most likely to get down. You might already know where I am going with this.

1. Take studio art classes, art history classes, design, photography, and other art inclined classes.
2. Pretend to be a shy gay man who is a virgin. Women open up to gay men really fast.
3. Make friends with 'art' girls in non-threatening way. Study says they are the best bet for f*cking.
4. When alone with them & talking about art, philosophy or whatever, make her feel smarter than you.
5. Say "I've never felt this way about a girl, but you are so attractive and appealing, I'm so confused", give her pupy dog eye look. Maybe fake tears.
6. Have sex for the semester covertly but break up because while you can have sex with her, you'll never love her because you still think that in a romantic and soul mate way, you're still gay. Say "If I were straight, it'd definitely be with you".
7. Repeat the next semester in a new class.

This is horrible. This is despicable. This works. Lying and manipulating people are bad things. If you are a nerd who can't get laid at all, try alternative routes. Take desperate measures. Sometimes the ends can justify the means. I discussed this multistep plan with my wife, and she admitted it would be hard to resist.

1. Appeals to college girls' need to feel smart.
2. Appeals to their vanity that a gay man might possibly turn away from the love that dare not speak its name for her. This is a conquest or challenge for them. Even after you ditch them, they will tell their friends they 'turned' a gay guy once. I have heard that exact phrase "turned a gay guy".
3. You establish an emotional intimacy and connection prior to contact as you go the gay friend route. Seriously, why the hell do women open up to gay men so quickly?

If all else fails, just wait 5-10 years for your big bucks to roll in. By then, you'll be able to buy a mail order bride.

5 comments:

Whitney said...

Hahaha...as amusing as this plan of yours is, I have a hard time believing it would fly in the real world. Being one myself, I know a LOT of fag hags, and none that I know would ever want to sleep with a gay boy, especially one confused about his sexuality. It would be pretty shitty to take advantage of a friend going through a difficult time like that if the girl wasn't smart enough to see through it in the first place (the hypothetical girls you seem to be talking about, I assume, would not be).

To answer your most likely rhetorical question about why straight girls think gay guys are AWESOME, the bonding aspect should be pretty obvious, no? No possibility of unwanted romantic complications (add that to the reasons why I doubt a real fag hag would ever go for the above), no disgusting 'masculine' brainwashing by the patriarchy to see women as another (inferior) species, and generally no negative aspects commonly found in straight boys whatsoever. Straight girls + gay boys = LOVE. Just not the sexy kind.

Also, what girls have you met that want guys dumber than them?! That makes zero sense to me. If I get the impression that a guy is less intelligent than me in any way, bye bye any sort of attraction, and that's with actual certifiably hot straight guys, not desperate little nerds (ew) pretending to be gay, as well.

As far as the survey you linked to, from personal experience I believe it - and I don't think that waiting to have sex should be seen as a negative thing at all. It's actually - go figure - a pretty smart choice.

Son of Brock Landers said...

Nerds need tons of help with dating habits. Not every 19 yo female is an enlightened genius like you, so I am 100% sure this would work. I knew one f-hag who would definitely have slept with her gay friend. Gay men: nonthreatening + love shopping. Plus, attention from male friends of all sorts substitute for 'lover' attention that all people crave. That's a win-win. They do have plenty of negatives.

I'm going to report your complaint on the patriarchy in my next "Young Patriarchs of America" meeting, right after the seminar on 'thinking negatively about women while peeing at a urinal'. What Feminist Studies class put that idea in your head about brainwashing men to see women as another species? Do you listen and critically think about the BS profs say, outside of the course construct, before parroting it?

I will debate to the death that most people secretly want to be the smarter person in their relationship. Many people are insecure and vain. Sad.

Also.. Being a sensitive person, I was not going to comment on the cliche use of W.H. Auden. I also couldnt mock you since I'd have done the same thing at 19. In 5 years, you will laugh at your old posts that concern yourself (not just the Obama 08 posts).

Whitney said...

I just saw this! HAHAHA.
1) Sarcasm fail.
2) Elaborate on these supposed negatives.
3) I've never taken a Women's Studies class or had any formal teaching on feminism whatsoever. At times embarassingly, I confess that I haven't even read more than one or two books specifically on gender studies, and I have issues with much of academic feminism. My own feminist awakening occurred over a period of about two years through independent research, extensive reading, talks with friends, and this very useful skill I possess known as critical thinking.
4) Maybe many, perhaps even most, but not me or anyone I'm close to. Guess it's an individual thing and I suppose I can't assume others approach relationships the same way I do, or vice versa.
5) Darling, if you're honestly going to challenge my poetry cred, I warn you now your assumptions about the merits of my literary and poetic knowledge based on an occasional enjoyment of Auden are in all likelihood laughably underestimating. I've been reading college-level poetry and prose comprehensively since elementary school.
6) May I ask what 'self-concerning posts' you are referring to?

Son of Brock Landers said...

1. no sarcasm. the methods might not work on someone of your intelligence, but they would work.
2. you've obviously never seen a homosexual male when competing with a female or other homosexual for potential mate. i witnessed a long competition between two for the affections of one young man that was ambiguous. plus, homosexual male relationships happen at the speed of light. truly remarkable to witness.
3. good for you. i do doubt your critical thinking because if you and your brethren at UCLA were smart, you would have harassed Sacramento (and the state house) and protested there rather than the chancellor's offices.
4. once again, you're an enlightened genius. intelligence is an overrated trait in a mate.
5. no comment, but i know why people post that specific Auden poem. i was 19 once.

Whitney said...

1) Well, that wasn't the hypothetical failed sarcasm I was referring to haha, but alright. And regardless of whether you're being sarcastic in praising my intelligence, I'd rather assume you're being sincere, so thanks. =)
2) Totally have, and on a larger scale than you know; it's hilarious. && I haven't observed that last statement to be true at all; most of my gay friends only ever have serious long-term relationships...wayy more so than almost all of my straight friends, actually. Remarkable indeed.
3) Ugh, so not discussing that incident.
4) We'll just agree to disagree on that last point.
5) Erm, well, I posted it in relation to the heart-wrenching film "A Single Man". I'm intrigued as to these typical 19 y/o motives for doing so, however.