Sunday, May 03, 2009

Long Term Stability Observations

People often say they seek a partner who is smart. I typed before that this is a fraud. That's another post. Intelligence is also overrated for its benefits to a long term relationship. It is also horribly subjective as the person who observes the potential partner is the gauge for measuring "smart". Smart has become what the word pretty is on TV; it's everywhere. As it has become ubiquitous and used to describe almost everyone & everything, it has lost its significance and meaning. I hear it used to described things and people who are not smart at all; they are just displaying competence. What type of smart is useful? Booksmart, street smart, spatial relationships smart or intuitive smarts... it's a grab bag of different types of intelligence.

Another observation is that people say they want a partner who is a good conversationalist, but they rarely follow through with this desire. How a person defines a good conversationalist varies from person to person, and I have noticed many times that it involves a person who will shut up and just listen to one side yap away about his or her life. A good conversationalist is also often a person who serves up never ending cliche compliments to the original object. A good conversationalist is a plus for an entertaining life together, melding with groups, socializing and making friends in new situations. If a good conversationalist is also a good communicator of true emotions, feelings, problems, issues, this can help work through problems. If not, this person will talk to you for hours about reality TV and music but, never about how you work on a child's behavioral problem, a financial hardship, facing your own mortality, or another meaningful obstacle. The revelation will be that the good conversationalist will have just been a good bullshit artist. I think many women have been seduced by the ephemeral power of a good bullshit artist.

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