Monday, May 18, 2009

2am Thoughts

What was keeping me up at 2am? I'm not a college kid anymore, so it wasn't discussing how to fix the world, playing the drinking game "Kings", working the magic in an attempt to get action, playing NHL 94, or listening to moody music and discussing life in hazy smoke. I just couldn't stop thinking random sh*t. I repeated this Saturday night, too. Here's the random shit that flowed from going to bed until I passed out...

- Can I design a household robot that can be wired with a washer-dryer duo that can do your laundry for you by loading/unloading laundry and then folding it? Could I pair up with Maytag? What would I name it? The QT (short for quick & tidy). Would I then design it to have a small vacuum cleaner inside of it that would stretch down like a third middle leg area. It could empty full bags itself into a trash can. Could I then sell an attachment that would be a paint spray machine like the ones people buy now for home improvements? Who wouldn't buy the QT?

- Why do people think the thought "I wish I had met so and so XX years earlier" like their current situation prevents them from having this awesome, magical relationship? It's the 2000s, go for it, just plan your custody battle. Don't even bother having that thought because then you're putting yourself in a position that you probably don't want to admit to your partner that you are in. I totally understand why people have this thought. I totally recognize it in rom-coms and trashy paperback novels. It's the classic impossible love story. Still, don't bother saying it or revealing it to anyone.

- How does a dude who delays moving in with someone because he is very Christian then turn around and cheat on his woman? Total Rev. Baker syndrome. This just happened to a friend. Seriously, be an honest jerk, not a self righteous one. Don't do it when your partner has an older sibling who might be crazy enough to kill you. They weren't even engaged yet, so just end the shit now and move to new lady. Come on. There's no messy divorce or custody battle. Stupid.

- I often hear my atheist friends joke "Do you think believers ever wake up and go 'oh gosh what if there is no god and what I am doing is for nothing'". They slide right into another joke and forget to comment on the reverse: "do they wake up in the middle of the night and think 'what if there is a god and i'm truly damned to hell if i don't believe''. They wonder if others question their belif system, but fail to do it themselves.

- Saturday Night Live managed to accomplish a first: for the first time ever they went an entire season without making fun of the president elect/president. Congrats Barry Obama, you made it through a year without a single joke at your expense. I wonder if Bill Clinton is somewhere with a couple middle aged ladies next to him thinking "Why the phuck didn't they protect me like this?" In SNL's defense Bill, they only made fun of you being overweight or a philanderer.

- I'm kind of saddened by The Family Guy as well on that front, but that show misses on 3/4 of their jokes now. It's like Seth McFarlane had 25 great shows planned and just got bored since then. The Family Guy special is when they rip on a group of people like Southerners, Texans, red staters, Evangelical Christians, the GOP, macho guys, etc. for being homophobes, but then they turn around and get a laugh at the expense of gays non-phucking-stop. Family Guy has not met a gay joke they have not beaten into the ground. Sometimes Family Guy tries to teach a lesson on tolerance and acceptance and then they have the worst stereotypes of gays imagineable for a few cheap laughs on right after it. Has Family Guy ever met an Asian or Jewish stereotype they did not drag around for laughs? No. They do miss soem groups. I'm all for making fun of everyone, just uhhh, make put some effort into it to raise it above the lowest common form of humor, "oh my god a flamer let's all laugh". South Park's destruction of that show's comedic approach worked on me.

- "come on and holllld me, just like you tolllld me, then shooooow me, what I wannnnnt to know, why don't we steal away, baown bam bum baown bam bum baown baown, why don't we steal aaaaa-way into the night, i know it ain't right"

- Why are gay people upset with Ms. California being against gay marriage when they president, VP, sec of state and plenty of other Americans (not me) are against it as well? We got bigger issues gay folks. Also, people are entitled to their opinions and you're entitled to disagree. Watch with the witchunt, as you guys used to complain about that a lot (still do). I really don't care and want gays to be allowed to have recognized civil unions to have access to many benefits married straights have, so that they then understand the joys of alimony & child support, and even further, so Mormons-Muslims can get to marry multiple partners. Everyone wins. I really don't care what you do with your life, it's yours to live.

- Why do some people get nostalgic for the 60s, waxing poetically about "all coming together man to make a difference"? Every book I read about the 60s paints a horrible picture unless you were well off enough to go to college, get deferments from the draft to then go to school and do drugs and have pre-HIV, no condom Pill sex. Poor kids were pretty screwed. Black folks were pretty phucked over in the 60s as Civil Rights backlash came into play. We were fighting a war with death tolls in the thousands per month, if not week in 67-68, and ghetto riots were common. My generation had the LA riots. One city, a couple riots in the early '90s vs. Many cities, many riots, many more dead in the 60s.

- Is California ever going to cut its budget down to size or are we going to have to bail them out so that union state ees keep getting 3% raises? Will California ever cut services to people? Will California ever develop the unexplored oil-nat gas potential off their shores? California is so amazingly beautiful, fertile and blessed. I just wish the voters would wake up, and the politicians grew spines.

- "I caught you glancin' my wa-aaaaay and i know what you're after, no sec-ond chan-ces to-nighhhhhht, whhhhhhy donnnnnnn't we steal away"

- Can you make decision on love because of money? Yes. Can you live life forever regretting your decisions? Yes. Should you do either, it's your life, but don't cry to me. Live life with few to no regrets. I know we've got a lot of complaining whiners in our society, but whine about something else. I'm cutting off some of the whiners at work, and not settling for listening to this shit.

- "baby see, what a foolish heart has done for meeeeee, darlin why, yeah, would you break my heart and make me cryyyyyy, you cant go back and change the way things are, and all this foolish talk will take us very far, and so i hope you're listenin cause i'm tellin you, about the way i'm feelin and what i'm going through... because you and i've been in love too long to worry about tomorrow, here's a place where we both belong, i know you're the only woman i've been dreaming of"

- I'm going to bring up the Nintendo Wii fit, and it's yoga stuff, if the yoga teacher asks me if I've done yoga before. "Not in class, but I have a Wii Fit and I rock that". Yeah that's much better than saying "to complete my sexiness". (I did the Wii Fit answer the next day, but seriously, my hips are amazingly flexible and have a great range of motion for a dude)

- I might go as Ash from Army of Darkness to work next Halloween. I got the jaw and the hair. It's just a matter of getting the chainsaw, toy shotgun, and clothes. It's that or eurotrash disco guy with a mohawk. Will they give me shit for not wearing a collar? Fuck them, make them send me home. I don't care. Most of the women at work will like it; I bet I get 10 extra cubicle visits out of it. I'll get away with it. I am an ENTJ.

- "when the pain of love surrounds you, and the world may be unkind. i'll put my lovin' arms around you, take you far from this place in time"

- What the heck am I going to fill my nights with next fall? No volunteering. I don't need to get into college anymore. I got the wii, but that's only so much. Should I buy rosetta stone Portuguese edition? Should I take judo, jiu jitsu, or something? Looking for suggestions. Self improvement is just masturbation. I'm a douche. I got to do this before I have kids, and work to earn those "World's Greatest Dad" ties.

1 comment:

Kenny and Bob said...

Haha well I think you should definitely go as Ash and be like "See this? This is my Boomstick!" and you forgot the single most greatest thing that came out of the 60's: The Beatles.