Monday, February 12, 2007


I think I have figured out the perfect time to grow a mustache and get away with it. Getting away with it means that my wife will not know and berate me until I shave it off. She might be at a dance retreat for multiple weeks, and that should give me enough time to grow a mustache. My goals would be to grow a mustache in the style of Magnum PI or Rollie Fingers. I consider these guys the best of the best when it comes to mustaches.

Rollie had the handlebar going, and when he entered a baseball game, it was to shut the other team down. It might be one inning, it might be 3 innings, but that mustache stayed firm and resolute for the entire time. In his era, relievers came in much earlier than modern relivers and were called upon to pitch more. The thing about Rollie, is that he did it with style. He was not an automaton like some of today's relivers who barely make facial expressions let alone grow monster mustaches. He kind of reminds me of the Mr. Peanut character from the ads for Planters. Mr. Peanut always reminded me of some faded glory German General from the First World War. His true name was Klaus Von Peanuft, and he abhorred the French. I digress.

Magnum PI was just a tough son of a bitch. He was a Vietnam Vet, but he didn't let that bring him down. To viewers and kids who see those stupid cop procedurals like CSI, Criminal Minds, Without a Trace, etc., work Gulf War Vets into plotlines to perpetuate stereotypes of vets, it truly was amazing to see a Vietnam Vet on tv who was not crazy or dangerous. He was a positive role model, and constantly caught the bad guys and nailed the fine ladies on the beaches of Hawaii. I always enjoyed how he had an English butler. Like, what dude has an English butler in fucking Hawaii? A great thing about the show was that Magnum was always drinking beer. This was before networks got scared of boycotts if a character was seen drinking. Magnum shot the gun, nailed the chick, caught the bad guy and drank the beer. That was that. He also had a rippin' theme song.

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