WCVB Channel 5 in Boston-
This evening the Prince of Darkness, Satan, made an appearance in Massachusetts. What was he doing in the Bay State? Satan was looking for a public notary to certify the contract extension he signed with Bill Belicheck. The extension was said to be effective at 6pm on Sunday January 14th. Belicheck's contract was due up at the end of this season, and the Prince of Darkness had been throwing in twists to the deal after February of 2005. Driven by a need to shift the focus of the contract off of himself and back onto his team, Coach Belicheck was adamant at getting a new deal done prior to the expiration of the current deal. Discussing the deals to the extension, Satan said that Belicheck was angry at the curveball of divorce, departure of the Golden Leg, and personal issues of infidelity being leaked to the press/disgust at how ugly his children are. Belicheck demanded that no others in his family be impacted in the terms of his extension with the forces of Darkness. Satan told the WCVB news crew that the most difficult thing was finding a notary who could read a contract written in urine and the blood of unbaptized newborns.
(phuck the pats, no not really, phuck the Pats' fans.)