Monday, January 29, 2007

If Optimus Prime were an NFL player...


In anticipation of the Super Bowl, I thought I'd discuss a favorite hero of mine who I thought would have been a great NFL player: Optimus Prime.

If Optimus Prime were an NFL player, he'd have to be Brian Urlacher. Optimus Prime is the heart and sould of the Autobots. His voice carries weight, and gives strength to the smaller, bitchy Autobots that are there for comic relief and do not add any value in a fight. Urlacher is the heart and soul of the Bears' defense. This is a defense that must protect the weak, the Bears' offense, and fight for what is right, the great city of Chicago. Much like the great Optimus Prime's toy outselling all other Transformers, Urlacher's jersey outsells all other jerseys in the NFL. Not even Ron Mexico or Reggie Bush could disrupt the throne for jersey domination.

Optimus Prime is a smart autobot and knows when it is right to transform and reveal his true self and when it is time to lead. Urlacher has transformed over his career, and has learned the art of making the big play at the big moment. Number 54 made the transition, the transformation if you will, from safety to middle linebacker during his rookie campaign in the NFL. There are some critics, usually overweight pussies who can't do anything involving ahtletics, who say he lacks power at the goalline or does not rise to the occasion. There is no middle linebacker who can play the cover 2 and still stand a RB up at the goallinewhen called upon like Brian Urlacher. During the playoffs last year, the Bears defense shit the bed. Steve Smith torched the entire defense like an angry Decepticon. Still, when all was lost, who made a leaping interception? Brian Urlacher.

Just know that if you pick against the Bears this weekend, you will be picking against the man who embodies the spirit of the greatest cartoon action leader of all time: Optimus Prime.

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